finding love in life

Before I begin, let's get on the same page. This is not a "how to".

There are many subjects I feel qualified enough to give "how to's" on.

"How to become a high school musical superfan, starting at age 5" - A title I've dabbled with.

"How to avoid big social situations and mostly all people, at ALL costs" - A true passion of mine I wish to share with the world someday.

And "How to charm your way into starting 1 YouTube channel, 2 blogs, 3 podcasts, 4 small businesses, and a minor theater presence" - A Ted-Talk I've been ready to host for years.

But "How to find love in life" is a topic not included in my repertoire of "how-to's".

Because to put it simply, I'm not an expert.

All I can do is share my thoughts and experiences, and maybe inspire you to stop staring at the Kardashian-Jenner family for their private jets, luxury wardrobes, flawless bone structure, and dreamy vacations, for hours on end.

Ready? Let's go.

As a kid, I was wildly confident. I'll paint you a picture.

  • Style better than Justice

  • Future career: I was destined for the stage

  • Living by the life advice: "never stop talking"

I was naturally popular, living the "it girl" lifestyle without even realizing it; working out daily (monkey bars & jump rope contests were my preferred method of exercise), mom-paparazzi taking pictures of me constantly (I was the star of inhishands.blogspot), and above anything else, I was happy, finding love in my life.

I'm a hopeless romantic. Finding “true love” (along with many other strange and troublingly unrealistic things) is at the top of my bucket list. Even though I know I'm young, I have this desire to just pour my love into something.

I was thinking about how you feel when you're in love. Although I've never been in love and I wouldn't really know, I would guess it's an overwhelming feeling of not feeling lonely, feeling connected, involved, accepted, a part of something bigger than just yourself. You're there for this other person and they are there for you, a best friend but you are also in love with them.

Although having someone to love is an incredible experience (I'm sure ;) ) I also think its not good to just continue waiting around for the "perfect person" you have to go out and live while you have the chance. Because the truth is, you life, it's your story, you get to shape it.

I was listening to a podcast and they were saying how they wanted to start living with more "main character energy", where you can just do as you please, you're happier, having fun, and not living for anyone but yourself.

Then I began thinking, I want to feel happier and more at peace in my life? I like the idea of the "main character energy" but that's also really focused on only living for yourself, and that's not fulfilling long term.

So thinking, I'm not in love and I don't want to be just living for myself, like "main character energy". But I could find love in life. My thought process started to shift to:

I'm just going to every day try to fall in love with my life.

Obviously, it's not always easy, because I'm still not happy where I live (geographically), I still have anxiety and other things that make my life hard. All that stuff doesn't go away. But I think I'm trying to live with the daily mindset of choosing happy, doing thing like, going outside and trying to look at the trees, sitting in my room and watching my candle flame flicker, or noticing how the light shines through my window.

Happiness for me, is a moment that feels like this culmination of everything that you've ever loved, everything you've ever wanted is right here surrounding you. After a while, that feeling might die, and maybe some days it doesn't even come. But it's the act of searching that helps with motivation.

There's also the question of how you realize you are in a "happy moment"? I think I've stuck with making videos for so long because when I'm making videos I'm able to look back and see snapshots from my life, and looking at a year-end video makes my life feel interesting.

Writing also helps me to reminisce on memories. A lot of my writing is a "comedic storytelling" vibe. So when I'm feeling bored with my life I can remember, through reading old blog posts of mine, doing My Froggy Stuff crafts with my cousin, or "Belting in the Hot Tub" with my friends.

I love writing because when I'm writing, I'm looking back and when I'm reading, later on, I'm also looking back. I have no idea where my writing is going to take me. But I think even if I just write for fun for the rest of my life, I will always be able to look back and remember those little moments that I loved.

Memories captured through videos/photos and writings are the perfect vessel to remind myself on the bad days that happiness is still "there".

It's the planned and the unplanned adventures. It's paying attention to the big and the small moments. Finally, it's try to actively wake up and ask what you need or make a choice to say, "Today, I'm going to notice the way my coffee tastes. I'm going to notice the way the light comes into my window." Then if you turn around and take photos, if you make a video, if you write a blog, you give yourself the opportunity to remember the moment.

The end result? All those things will help you to wake up and find love in your life.

thats all for today

H&K, dev